Whatever

The only thing I could hear was the doctor screaming " Away from the bed. NOW", it seemed like as if everybody moved in slow motion as the nurses moved away and the doctor placed the defilibrator on your chest. It all seemed so unreal and I felt like as if I was walking on a dream. When you didnt react to the electro shocks, I realised that everything could be over right now, but then all of a sudden i heard the beeping noise of your heartbeats. And I just knew that it was beating for me.

DIY Prison.

Rain was pouring down my cheeks, and it mixed with my salty tears. As I tasted the saltyness of tears and the acidity of the rain I realised how trapped I was.
I wasn't physically trapped, but I built myself this huge cage inside my chest that I just could not escape from.
I wish I could be as careless and joyful as I used to be, but you and all the responsabilitie's you chained on me prohib me from being my old me.
Everything changed and I can't break out from my prison anymore.

Leaving.

I hate Goodbye's and even if it is only for a short time, soo much will have changed and happened in between. And pictures don't replace having been there.
I want to go, I know that it is good for me to get out of here for a while, but it is so hard leaving all those people behind for this scale of time.
I know that I would be crazy not taking the job, cos it is like the best that could have happened, but I just don't want to spend one month and a bit of this precious summer time with strangers. I want to be with my friends, going out everynight, enjoying every second of this fabulous summer, going to the beach, and simply live all the magic moments that happen.
People would kill to get my job, I mean I am going to work as a babysitter for a famous event manager in germany and I am going to go to all the V.I.P events she is organizing to look after her kid. But I just don't want to leave this.
Everything is fine right now, I have awesome friends, I can do what I want from my parents and I don't need to bother about anything, except being at my exams on time.
And I want to be here when he comes back from England, he is the person I trust most and who knows everything about me, and knowing that I haven't seen him for a few months and then he is in portugal and I am not. Just kills me inside.
I know what Sarah will think when she reads this (if she bothers :P), but I know that this time it won't be like last time. We're friends, thats it. It's what we always were, and always will be.
Luckily I still get to spend some time with him when I am back, but it's too little. I want my Napoli back. He has to come back to Portugal and cheer me up everyday, like he used to. And I miss the person that always used to steal my fags.
I hated saying Goodbye to him in February, it was short and meaningless, but when he came back in Easter, it was much more than that.
Alex and I are practically exactly the same, we think the same way about stuff, and we always know what the other one is feeling, and thats my connection with him and that's why I consider him as one of my best friends.
I am confusing for everybody else, but he always understands what I mean and why I act like that, he was always there to cheer me up, and now everything is different.
That's why i hate Goodbyes, and that's why I don't wanna leave, cos I wanna spend as much time as I can with him. Cos although he is difficult at times, he means so much to me.
I wish I could be at two places at the same time.