Leaving.

I hate Goodbye's and even if it is only for a short time, soo much will have changed and happened in between. And pictures don't replace having been there.
I want to go, I know that it is good for me to get out of here for a while, but it is so hard leaving all those people behind for this scale of time.
I know that I would be crazy not taking the job, cos it is like the best that could have happened, but I just don't want to spend one month and a bit of this precious summer time with strangers. I want to be with my friends, going out everynight, enjoying every second of this fabulous summer, going to the beach, and simply live all the magic moments that happen.
People would kill to get my job, I mean I am going to work as a babysitter for a famous event manager in germany and I am going to go to all the V.I.P events she is organizing to look after her kid. But I just don't want to leave this.
Everything is fine right now, I have awesome friends, I can do what I want from my parents and I don't need to bother about anything, except being at my exams on time.
And I want to be here when he comes back from England, he is the person I trust most and who knows everything about me, and knowing that I haven't seen him for a few months and then he is in portugal and I am not. Just kills me inside.
I know what Sarah will think when she reads this (if she bothers :P), but I know that this time it won't be like last time. We're friends, thats it. It's what we always were, and always will be.
Luckily I still get to spend some time with him when I am back, but it's too little. I want my Napoli back. He has to come back to Portugal and cheer me up everyday, like he used to. And I miss the person that always used to steal my fags.
I hated saying Goodbye to him in February, it was short and meaningless, but when he came back in Easter, it was much more than that.
Alex and I are practically exactly the same, we think the same way about stuff, and we always know what the other one is feeling, and thats my connection with him and that's why I consider him as one of my best friends.
I am confusing for everybody else, but he always understands what I mean and why I act like that, he was always there to cheer me up, and now everything is different.
That's why i hate Goodbyes, and that's why I don't wanna leave, cos I wanna spend as much time as I can with him. Cos although he is difficult at times, he means so much to me.
I wish I could be at two places at the same time.