2:40 in the morning

I feel stupid, I feel like someone out of some stupid movie who was left, I mean it is 2 something in the morning and I am eating chocolate and watching "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" for about the hundreths time, because it just reminds me off you and it reminds me of when we watched the movie, although we never really finished watching it. I just miss you soo much, it's sooo hard for me to move on, for you everything seems so easy, as if you didn't care anymore, but for me it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yes, I tried to move on, and I did stupid things to try it, I thought if I party a lot I will get distracted and move on, but it just made it worse, then I tried to talk to as many people as possible, to see if it will help me forget you, but it just showed me how lonely I actually am. I never wanted this to happen, I want you back, but I can't change your feelings towards me anymore, I wish I could, I know I would probably do anything for it to happen. Because you were my everything and in some kind of weird way you still are. I am sorry when I say mean, stupid things to you, that I know will offend you in some way, but I don't know why I am doing it, everything is just too much and I just can't take it anymore. I just can't believe that you could hurt me in such a way, although you always promised you never will. And that's what hurt's the most, you breaking your promise, and that's probably why I say those stupid things, I'm sorry I just never felt so left alone, humiliated, disappointed and sad, in some way you have to understand me or atleast try, because I am trying the same, although it's the hardest I have ever attempted to do.

Future..

What is your biggest desire for your future? For what would you fight? For what would you give your last shirt? Some people would do that for love, others for money. But love most of the times disappoints us, and money isn't the key to happiness. My biggest goal/wish/desire is to change something, to set a sign for the future, and to show people that everything is possible, if you want it, and try hard enough. It's not about being the best in something, or being naturally gifted, even if you are the dumbest person in the world, you can learn, and try and learn from your mistakes, and one day you then can proudly say, yes i changed something, even if it is the littlest thing, it will make a difference, many times the difference is bigger than you think. I absolutely don't have a clue what I wanna be when I am older, but I know I don't just wanna have a 9-5 job, like millions of others have, I wanna have a job that creates a difference, or gives me the possibility to change something. Like something that has got to do with research, were I can find cure's for diseases, or in fashion, were I can create trends that will influence generations. Probably it is even good not knowing what you want to be in future, instead of planning everything ahead, because life nearly never turns out the way you want it to be, sooo just living into the day and hoping for the best but expecting the worst probably is the best way to go in life...

Dreams @

I once dreamt of still being with you when i was old and grey, of still feeling the same intense love we had at the beginning, but soo much changed. You told me it's over, that I don't provoke anymore the same strong sensations to you as I did before, that all the love you had for me is gone and that it's never going to return. Now all my dreams are shattered, and all that I wanted, which was to be happy, seems impossible to obtain right now. Maybe one day I will find someone else, but it won't be the same than with you, you were everything that I wanted. We were ment to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. When I met you I had a broken heart, but you made me smile, and one thing led to the other. With you my heart healed again, and I was so happy to have found someone that completes me, now the shattered pieces of my heart surround me, and I ask myself if it was worth it, if those few months of happines and joy was worth now being at the same point again as I was, before I met you, and yes it was worth it. Because those few months with you, were one of the best months of my life, and nobody can take away my memories. Maybe one day I will dream the same about some other random guy, but no one can ever give me what you gave me. Although I want to hate you right now, because you broke your promise, I can't, I just can't hate the person I love. Nightmares and insomnias take the place of our pleasant dreams again, but I guess I just have to deal with, because I guess I am a big girl now, and you don't have to take care about me anymore, you don't have to hold me tight anymore while i fall asleep, you don't have to make me eat something anymore, and you don't have to make my day anymore by saying that you love me.

To A Beloved One...

You hurt me bad and at the moment I wish I never had met you! I put up with all of your attitudes for 2 months, I tried to understand why you are like that, and now you just want to give up on everything, and you say it would be better for me, but I don't care what is or not best for me. I love you and I thought that you loved me to. But it isn't anymore like that, and you know since 3 weeks that your feelings aren't the same anymore, but you told me absolutely nothing about it, you just started to act strangely and moved further away from me. I don't know how I could have been so stupid and believed that for once I will be happy and have some luck. But somehow I am not rewarded with that kind of luxuries. I thought that with you, I would have found my soulmate, and you made me believe that, but as you now made me understand that it never was like this. You made me soo many promises and the way you said them, made me believe them. I can't believe that someone so nice,charming and sweet can act in such a way. If you really think that it would be better for me that we break up, then you really don't know what is best for me. It's probably only what is best for you. I am soo fed up of all your attitudes, but i put up with them, because I know that many times you don't mean the things, and that in the end you are one of the best persons I ever met in my whole life. I tried not to freak out on friday when you were at my house and totally ignored me, you didn't even properly kiss me. You don' know how much it hurts being rejected and how it made me feel. The thing that is eve worse is that on saturday we were talking face to face about our relationship and you just said that it would be better if we took a break, but you weren't able to tell me the truth, that you actually didn't want to go out with me anymore and that taking a break was just the step before breaking up. You say it is only your fault, but I know that I also did things i shouldn't have said or done and I feel bad about it, and I hope you can forgive me for what I said! But there is one big difference between us, and that is tha if I would have noticed that my feelings for you are changing and that I don't want to continue having a relationship with you, I would have told you face to face, and I wouldnt have waited 3 long weeksand made everything even worse. I hope we find a way to work things out, and what I most hope for is that things go back the way they were, because we started off so well and we were so in love, and now everything is just ruined.

The Bug in Scotland

One day Papita, the Puta and O'Maria and the bug went to Scotland. They didn't know that the bug came along with them, it's horrendously disgusting master called Renata, made it. She hates us all because we aren't so god damn hairy like her, and because we are much prettier. She told the bug to destroy the family Papita, the Puta and O'Maria were going to create. This is only possible because in Scotland it is legally allowed that three hot girls can ge married to eachother and get pregnant without a guy. The three chicas were so happy because that was their dream and nothing was allowed to destroy it. They all three got pregnant at the same time by a miracle, right after tey got married, but the bug was already in full action of preparing how to destroy them. The day the three babies were born, it attacked them with the army it had formed during the time the Hotties were pregnant. It's intention was to kill the happy family. They all crawled into the girl's house, luckily they had an anti-bug alarm, which killed most of the monsters, but THE BUG came through to the girls and the babies. It then tortured Papita, but O'Maria slapped it and she thought she killed it, but the story will continue...

The Bug

The day before Valentines day I met the bug! It came wandering out the roses the monster Renata distribuited to the star-crossed lovers. It was crawling towards Leonor's workbook and as we detected it, it crawled inside it, as it was told by the Grudge a.k.a Renata. The bug's mission was to scare the Puta a.k.a Leonor and O'Maria a.k.a Katharina. Luckily O'Maria had the great idea of killing the bug, therefore she slammed the book. Somehow the Puta's mind was infected by the bug for a few seconds, so she threw the papers with the bug towards O'Maria, but the bug didn't suceed, O'Maria elegantely terriffied the bug with a loud outcry and with a punch carried out by her steal fist. The bug disappeared and probably ran back to his machiavelic master. This incident deeply marked the Puta's and O'Maria's life forever and they swear revenge